i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Randomize
