Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
