need another drink. this is the easiest way
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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