Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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