Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize
