My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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