HIV tests are more positive than that guy
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
