How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
