i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize