i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
We left the knife in your bed.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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