allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
