Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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