She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
