chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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