glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize