I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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