He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
