It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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