You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
