My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
