She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
