Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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