You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
