just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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