haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize