OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
