I should be sponsored by Trojan
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
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