He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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