You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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