I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
