Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize