I can feel you judging me through the phone.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
