she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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