Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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