can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
