I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
