Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
So. Much. Porn.
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