Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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