Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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