I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
