Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
