Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
