Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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