i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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