I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize
