every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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