remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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