I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
