i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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