My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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