Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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