You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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