Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
he thought i was a dude.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
