You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
