She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
