you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
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