after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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