At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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