dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
