The maid of honor just puked.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
