I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
