8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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