Apparently you make a good broom.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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