so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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