i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
