I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
