party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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