she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
