Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
