her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
