I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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