And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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