I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I stole a fireplace last night.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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