next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
