My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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