i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
