the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
