If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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