Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize